UNLEASHED Vol. 5 – Wounds

  1. Wounds: Being deeply hurt from someone else’s flesh, they are often earth shattering to your heart.  Wounds come from a father (most commonly, Eldredge talks about father wounds in chapter 4 of “Wild at Heart”), mother, pastor, teacher, friend, someone you trusted.  Wounds are usually connected with judgment, abuse, or an attack on the heart of a boy/man saying “You’re not good enough.” “You don’t have what it takes.” “You’re worthless.”
    1. Wounds can be inflicted intentionally or unintentionally.  They can happen at any time in your life.  However, most men can remember a big wound from childhood that haunts them and that sent a negative message early in life.
    2. Wounds can be hard to identify, often we don’t even know they are there because we haven’t dealt with them.  But they often drive our attitudes, choices, actions, and way of life.
    3. One way to find a wound in your life is to reflect and think about any vows or agreements you’ve made with yourself.  Defense mechanisms and “walls” you put up to avoid being hurt are certainly a window to a wound.
    4. Wounds can really control you.  They can do this with or without you knowing it.  It depends on the vows, agreements, defense mechanisms and walls you put up to protect yourself and how deep they go.
    5. For men, most wounds attack our sense of manhood and importance.
  2. Manhood:  So, when does a boy become a man?  How does a boy become a man? Manhood is bestowed from a Father to his son through any number of initiations, events, milestones, etc. that are established in the family.  A boy needs a GUIDE into manhood, to be led by example.  Young men will get a guide one way or another, we are all searching and the question is, who will they allow to lead them?  Who is willing to lead them?  The enemy is waiting with open arms full of empty lies to distract, numb, kill, and destroy.  We as godly men need to intentionally step up and lead the younger generation.
    1. Our culture, the world: Men not being inducted into man hood.  Broken families with no father, or with fathers who are checked out and don’t lead their family.  Boys are being wounded deeply and their hearts are wandering to lies form the enemy to distract them.  This is a huge cultural wound to our young men in general.  Do you think the enemy has anything to do with this?  Remember, the American family is under assault from the enemy, we are his #1 target.
  3. The enemy capitalizes on your wound, throwing lies aimed to hit you at your heart.  The enemy wants you feel like the victim, so you will remain hiding in the dark.
  4. Battle to heal wounds and stop believing the lies.  You’ve got to do some hard work to overcome the power wounds have over you and your life.  You’ve got to surrender to God and hand it over to Him.  You’ve got to forgive as Christ has forgiven you!  You’ve got to talk about it, you can’t ignore it, you can’t hold it in, it’ll kill you.  You have to reach out to your wife and brothers to process, understand, and deal with the wounds.
  5. Battle Well: Go to your three links of support to help process wounds.
    1. #1 God:  Pray.  Pray often.  You must surrender all the hurt, all the pain, all the frustration, all the anger, all the disappointment, all the depression, all the grief, all the sadness, and all the uncertainty to Jesus!  This is not easy, surrender is a very hard thing for our strong willed flesh to do.  But as long as you are trying to hide from the wound, or deal with the wound on your own, it’ll never work out because God has the answer.  Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
      1. You have to keep Christ at the center.  Remember His example, love and forgive.  Remember He loves you!  Allow your anger to subside and let Him love you.  We must forgive freely as Christ has forgiven us.  If we cannot forgive and hold onto grudges, we are allowing the wound to control us.
        1. Ephesians 1:7 “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.”
        2. Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”  This is not easy, it will take prayer and discipline, but it is necessary for true healing.
        3. Proverbs 12:18 “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
    2. #2 Wife:  Share you story with your wife.  Allow her to pray with you and for you.  Allow her “in” so she can better understand who you are, why you are the way you are, and who God wants you to be.  If she doesn’t already know wounds from your past, this may give her great insight into why you operate the way you do and what has carved parts of who you are.
    3. #3 Brothers:  Walk with your brothers, be known, share your stories of wounds with them.  More times than not, they will understand and relate.  There is a freeing power in communicating and relating with your brothers, to experience it, you have to open up, you won’t regret it.  It is empowering to know you are not alone and that you don’t have to struggle alone.
  6. Questions to ponder
    1. Can you identify wounds in your life?  Do you have a specific Father wound?
    2. Can you see where those wounds have caused you to make certain vows and agreements with yourself or caused you to create defense mechanisms or to put up walls?
    3. How were you initiated into manhood?
    4. As you process your wounds, who might you need to forgive?
    5. Are you walking close enough to your wife to talk with her about your wounds?
    6. Do you have brothers in Christ?  Are you walking close enough with your brothers in Christ to be known and share your wounds?


As always I want to encourage you to be known.  Share your life with those around you.  The enemy wants to keep your wounds a secret as a means to control you, your choices, your actions, and your future.  Shed God’s light into the darkness, break the chains!!!  Step into God’s love and surrender, experience the freedom only He can provide!!!


To go deeper, read the extended version with personal stories and testimony.  E-mail us and get on the member list, 318menoffreedom@gmail.com



In Christ,
Nick VandenBerg
3:18 Men of Freedom
Team Leader


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